jesus f’n christ….people! if you have a complaint, gripe, bitch etc., take it to someone who can do something about it (if something can be done about it)….not just to the person in front of you. seriously! getting ridiculously tired of listening to irrelevant prettiness….ya a little tired and grouchy today…could ya tell? 🙂
yes, i know, so mature of me….
seriously though, i tuned into her show for the first time on about a year and was so disappointed in her lack of understanding and perspective about the very serious issue of public education in the usa. with her new low of uninformed sensationalism she shows herself to be an official bandwagon jumper. not only is her lack of understanding of the issues in education is apparent, she has also provided a national platform to present an oversimplistic solution to complex problems. what a huge disservice she has done for the children she wants to support. a big “yuck” to her!
isn’t she supposed to be retiring? none to soon i think. perhaps she should try to be a teacher in an underfunded, demoralized public school…..she wouldn’t last long in the real world – that’s for sure!
it’s not too often that i am really surprised, but recently i was…..of course it had to do with my assumptions about people, but then again doesn’t every surprise begin that way? we make assumptions about how things are, or should be, and we are wrong….
same with disappointment…we have an expectation, and it isn’t fulfilled…..to poorly paraphrase the buddha, i suppose the heart of most out our angst and pain is having expectations….(or is that existentialism, or some psychological theory? ….ah, it all blends together after a while….).
in any case, back to what i was writing about… well, i have to preface even that a little more info. i choose to believe the best of people (well most of the time…. but i do try)…. and recently i learned a little more about someone i once cared about (a lot) that surprised and disappointed me. i came to realize (well, it was more like being hit over the head) that what i thought i knew of this person, was not really who she is. i realize that i had created an image of her that really wasn’t true….the heart that i thought of as huge and alive, is really harder and well… i don’t know…smaller, colder…? it’s sad, but it’s how she chooses to live her life…
she is out of my life now, completely, and for good. it’s sad, but ultimately it’s her loss (no, this isn’t just my narcisissm talking…well, maybe a little….). a part of me will miss her, but i know now that what i miss mostly is the person i thought she was….
what is it that moves me…? your belief in me…? the reflection i see of myself in your eyes…? the connecting of two bodies moving through each other…? the need of our souls to touch…? your difference…? your sameness…?
well, maybe not so seriously….
three dates (i use the word in its loosest sense) lined up…next week
[one is with an incredibly brilliant, if perhaps [no, not perhaps], eccentric “maker”…)
an all-night solstice celebration tomorrow night…meeting new friends…
i’m serious about jumping off cliffs… and i have no idea what i’ll be landing on…
maybe i should’ve thought about a parachute…
what do you see
and resiliant …
oh to sleep…
what would i give for a night’s sleep?
for at least 4 hours of uninterrupted, restful sleep….?
i don’t know….
i have insomnia, no more than an hour of sleep at a time…and even that hour is not restful. then i awake…fully… and to the realization that the night will be a long one indeed….
i’ve finally given up. i’ve gone to bed at least three times tonight…and three times after fitful dozing, given up and come into the living room to surf the next, or chat on-line….i’m now up for the day…at 5 am on a morning with a cup of coffee, waiting for the sun to rise…
my latest undertaking….on-line “chatting”….
i never thought i would do that…..”meet” people on-line and chat (aside from getting to know people through my and their blogs) but i have. i took the plunge and even started instant messaging (yes….i am way behind the curve on that one…) and in a phrase…holy fuck!…there are some interesting people in this world. i mean that in the best way, and in the worst way….in order to meet some sane (well, relatively….) people, i’ve had to wade through some muck. and the muck doesn’t always make itself evident at first….
anyhow, i shall continue with the chatting thing for a while, and see where it takes me. the truth is, i am in search of something more than what i have made of my life so far. i have 10 more months to go before i move, but mentally, i’m ready to go now. i want to meet more people….to travel….to have adventures…i’m ready for that now…maybe too ready…
i need somebody to remind me to be patient….that i will be able to make my life what i want of it, but that it might take a little time….