ouch…

it’s not too often that i am really surprised, but recently i was…..of course it had to do with my assumptions about people, but then again doesn’t every surprise begin that way? we make assumptions about how things are, or should be, and we are wrong….

same with disappointment…we have an expectation, and it isn’t fulfilled…..to poorly paraphrase the buddha, i suppose the heart of most out our angst and pain is having expectations….(or is that existentialism, or some psychological theory? ….ah, it all blends together after a while….).

in any case, back to what i was writing about… well, i have to preface even that a little more info. i choose to believe the best of people (well most of the time…. but i do try)…. and recently i learned  a little more about someone i once cared about (a lot) that surprised and disappointed me. i came to realize (well, it was more like being hit over the head) that what i thought i knew of this person, was not really who she is. i realize that i had created an image of her that really wasn’t true….the heart that i thought of as huge and alive, is really harder and well… i don’t know…smaller, colder…? it’s sad, but it’s how she chooses to live her life…

she is out of my life now, completely, and for good. it’s sad, but ultimately it’s her loss (no, this isn’t just my narcisissm talking…well, maybe a little….).  a part of me will miss her, but i know now that what i miss mostly is the person i thought she was….

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2 thoughts on “ouch…

  1. Had I learned that lesson before today my 53 years would have been much happier…

    One more thing to add to the list of things I must work on!

    One more to add to the lessons I owe you so very much for!

    Having been disappointed by most of those I’ve given my heart to through the years, in friendship or love, you’d think I’d have been smart enough to learn it on my own!

    Perhaps the old adage about trusting no one is true, but I can’t quit trying, so giving up expectations is probably a very good way to avoid the pain!

    I’m sorry that sadness has found you again…

    alan

  2. I think were all guilty of that, building people up to be more than they actually are and then having to deal with the dissapointment when we figure out who they truly are. Remember tho if you don’t risk the dissapointment and the smaller colder hearts you’ll miss out on the truly huge and alive ones!
    Love you!

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