i read a few words, written by another, and suddenly, my heart opens, and the tears flow…..i’d rather stay home this morning and follow where they lead….. but i pack it away, and move into my day….to hopefully be tapped into another time when i can take the feelings out, look at them, and hold them gently while they heal a little more…
i’d never understood that there are different kinds of grief, and that it can take so many forms. this one is more complicated than most people in my life know…..and i keep moving, trying to keep it at bay…..but then moments like this morning sneak up, and i know that i have healing to do…..and my heart is full because i know that i can do it, and that there are so many amazing people in my life who are there when i need them….
i write these words for the first time:
good-bye dad….you, who in not acknlowledging your own horrible pain, inflicted it on me….you, who apologized the only way you knew how….you, who are now gone…, you, who i miss….
i don’t know what to do with all my feelings now, how to redefine my life, how to say good-bye…..