ennui and cuddles…

well, it’s been a been a while….have been trying out new ventures, getting away for as many weekends as i can, visiting with family, re-evaluating some friendships, and rolling throught the highs and lows of love and sex….

i’ve also realized that i need more laughter in my life. there hasn’t been nearly enough lately…care to help with that?

it’s a bit of a down day today. just a bit of ennui i suppose…wishing it was four months from now, wishing i had someone to cuddle on the couch with here…ah well, it will come with time..i will make it happen (just not so much into loving the “patience” thing…)

so…i’ve also been exploring different aspect  of my sexuality lately…i won’t go into too much detail about it here….yet …but i will say that i’m surprising myself with a few things…

“let’s talk about sex baby…”

hmmm…the plethora of pejorative words that exist to describe women who enjoy a sexually active life outside of long term committed monogamous relationships…

oh, double standards abound… first, a man’s drive for sex is expected, life-affirming…while a woman’s…well, about for a bit…what comes to mind…? hmmm…?

and second, explicit sexuality is considered taboo, dangerous….while explicit violence is much less frowned upon….now, if one were to measure the effects of these on these two “actions” on society, which is more inherently destructive?

your thoughts?

oh yes…

in case you might have been wondering….

two fabulous first ”dates”…. i say “first” in anticipation of more….

what did these dates have in common? intelligent, interesting, unconventional people…. and facets of my being that are just beginning to be explored….

polyamory

isn’t the diversity of this world a wonderously amazing thing…..

revisions….

“you should float between the borders” she says…

 

oh, but i do, I think…

i exist between the borders

have dwelt there, and here,

for a lifetime, or two, it seems…

 

between the borders that define sexuality,

between the borders that define culture,

between the borders that define identity,

between the borders of your skin and mine,

between this living in, and out, of my mind

 

boundaries defined, and blurred

 

celebration… and denial of self

knowing… and not

patience,,, and haste

 

between the boundaries that define

self and other

 

in the spaces

between our words,

where we make meaning….

 

in the places

between our bodies

where we pulled to connect….

 

in the energy

between our souls

where we yearn to know….

 

this is where i dwell……

play…

   “You are led

through your life time

  by the inner learning creature,

         the playful spiritual being

                that is your real self.”

 

                                   -richard bach