processing….

in the last weeks, i had a few new readers of my blog. new people who are still learning who i am. a diverse, interesting group of people, they have little more in common than my perception of them as people i would enjoy spending time with…. and a concern for me after they read my posts of last weekend….

i usually feel emotions intensely; be it sorrow, joy, or even ennui, strong emotions tend to permeate and consume me. this is not to imply that i am a person who exhibits intense mood swings (it’s a rare ocassion that i’m not on a fairly even keel around people).  as i don’t think it fair to subject others to “moods”, when i’m down, i isolate myself and when i am able, i process how i’m feeling in my writing. sometimes the intensity of the darker places in my life peep through in my words, and if people are just beginning to know me, they worry about me.  what they will soon learn is as that usually as soon as i am am able to process my feelings through words, i am able to move through them, and on to the future…..

so, in short, i am as always, good…and thank-you ….

“perchance to dream”

oh to sleep…
what would i give for a night’s sleep?
for at least 4 hours of uninterrupted, restful sleep….?
i don’t know….

i have insomnia, no more than an hour of sleep at a time…and even that hour is not restful. then i awake…fully… and to the realization that the night will be a long one indeed….
i’ve finally given up. i’ve gone to bed at least three times tonight…and three times after fitful dozing, given up and come into the living room to surf the next, or chat on-line….i’m now up for the day…at 5 am on a morning with a cup of coffee, waiting for the sun to rise…

my latest undertaking….on-line “chatting”….

i never thought i would do that…..”meet” people on-line and chat (aside from getting to know people through my and their blogs) but i have. i took the plunge and even started instant messaging (yes….i am way behind the curve on that one…) and in a phrase…holy fuck!…there are some interesting people in this world. i mean that in the best way, and in the worst way….in order to meet some sane (well, relatively….) people, i’ve had to wade through some muck. and the muck doesn’t always make itself evident at first….

anyhow, i shall continue with the chatting thing for a while, and see where it takes me. the truth is, i am in search of something more than what i have made of my life so far. i have 10 more months to go before i move, but mentally, i’m ready to go now. i want to meet more people….to travel….to have adventures…i’m ready for that now…maybe too ready…

i need somebody to remind me to be patient….that i will be able to make my life what i want of it, but that it might take a little time….