just bitching….

yanno that phrase  “if wishes were horses, i’d ride forever”…? that’s me these days.  i wish, i wish,  i wish…

but, the reality is that i have to deal with the fact that i’m in this town for another three months, doing work that i don’t love anymore (for a variety of reasons i won’t get into here…) wanting to be elsewhere, with other people, doing other things…getting on with my life dammit!

now, don’t get me wrong. there a few people here whose company i really enjoy but we will continue our friendships after i leave. we’ll be able to spend time together in the city. but that’s about it. there not much else here for me right now….just a house i don’t want, a job i don’t like (and yes a few people, i’d like to be farther away from…..)

but…i keep telling myseff that i’m here for a reason. besides the fact that i made this choice, there is something in this time for me to learn. well, i’m not so sure it’s patience. but, maybe months from now, i’ll look back and see what it is/was, and be thankful…maybe…..

the dance continues…

the music is slow, and sweet, and full of the light that radiates during the tentative beginnings of relationships, during the time when potential is vast, and possibilities endless. i want to breath slower, to force myself take my time with this… but i also want to jump in with my whole being…

we met…and were not out of each others’ presence for more than a moment or two for the following 48 hours… intense in a soft, easy way…

… this is special…

…..

a sad afternoon….

tears begin to fall. knowledge in pictures hurts sometimes. remembering losses…

when i  choose it, i enjoy my time alone…but when i don’t, the anxiousness creeps back and sinks its claws in to my shoulders…

i know what i want, those desires only acknowleged in the deep hours of the night, when we need to find our reasons for being… i want someone to hold me in the night when i am cold… to stand behind me and wrap arms around my waist, laughing softly in my ear….to play with me….to stop me when i try to hide….to laugh with me….to remind me of how spectacular i am when i doubt….to challenge me when i do not acknowledge my truth….to revel in the love i give…..to be my touchstone so i can explore the world….to see through, and into me….to live an extraordinary life with me….

ahhhh……

what is it about cupcakes? their delicacy…? sweet beauty in minature?..the icing to cake ratio…?  all of these i suppose….i just love looking at these pics so thought i’d share….

yahoo…!

i did it!

i was just offered the job i wanted in vancouver! i am so damn happy!…it’s so good. i know the work, i have more flexibility in my time, and i can do my masters for free…it’s good all around!

 next step…sell the house, and i’m outta here!

ennui and cuddles…

well, it’s been a been a while….have been trying out new ventures, getting away for as many weekends as i can, visiting with family, re-evaluating some friendships, and rolling throught the highs and lows of love and sex….

i’ve also realized that i need more laughter in my life. there hasn’t been nearly enough lately…care to help with that?

it’s a bit of a down day today. just a bit of ennui i suppose…wishing it was four months from now, wishing i had someone to cuddle on the couch with here…ah well, it will come with time..i will make it happen (just not so much into loving the “patience” thing…)

so…i’ve also been exploring different aspect  of my sexuality lately…i won’t go into too much detail about it here….yet …but i will say that i’m surprising myself with a few things…