“It feels an impulsion…this is
the place to go now. But the sky knows
the reasons and the patterns
behind all clouds,
and you will know, too, when
you lift yourself high enough
to see beyond
horizons.”
-richard bach
it’s perspective, i think, perspective that can only be had as the result of distance.. or of time…we just cannot see a bigger picture when we are inside of it..
it takes trust and faith that we will see the patterns and know the purpose one day…
g’night.
j.
stand behind me,
and wrap your arms around me,
holding me
as i lean
into your strength…
warm me
with
the heat
of your body
until the bone cold ache
subsides…
comfort me
with
a whispered prayer
until i can
join the world
again…
this is all
i ask…
“i know how it feels. you feel like you’re outside a window, looking in on a party that you’re not invited to.”
“yes,” i acknowledged….”yes.”
and that’s all it took…knowing that someone else has felt the same way…and knowing that i can give voice to my feelings (no matter how illogical they seem, no matter how childish they are…) without judgment, without negation….with instead, just acceptance….
that’s all it took….well, almost all…at triple vodka martini with extra olives helped too….:)
now that work is slowing down, i’m giving myself some time to begin reflecting on the last few months. i thought last fall was tumultuous (it was!), but it seems the last few months have been as intense. so many layers that have begun peeling back…revealing so many more…ah, life is interesting…
now i take a deep breath, pack my bags and set out (in another week or so) for five weeks of travel…three and a half weeks in the centre of glorious paris, and then some roaming around bc before hitting vancouver for pride! i shall return exhausted and full!
as for today, it’s summer solstice. a friend of mine is going to do her own private solstice ritual tonight – a cleansing of sorts. it reminded me to honour not only this time of year, but also the transitions and growth in my own life. i shall spend the night alone, doing some cleaning (metaphorically, and literally) and i will light a candle (bonfires are a little scary indoors…) to celebrate the passing of the seasons…
i struggle to make sense,
but the understanding
cannot be made
in the mind…
i look into
a glass world
and know the possibility,
but have not
moved through
it,
into that place of being
i feel it so close
and yet
far…
i can touch it,
briefly
holding the taste
of it
like a memory…
i am in the
place
of possibilities,
of discordance,
of choice,
and i walk
in mud,
holding myself
to this place,
while
arms
reach out
to the universe,
my heart
knowing
i am
nothing,
and
i am all….
