what do i hold onto, when in a dark moment i think i miss something that i never really had…?
“every person,
all the events in your life
are there because you have
drawn them there.
what you choose
to do with them is
up to you.”
- richard bach
every painful event is a gift…to learn from, or not….to grow from, or not….to acknowledge, or not
it’s up to me….
and to live life in sadness,
or in joy…
that’s also my choice…
for e.
“What the caterpillar
calls the end of the world,
the master calls a
butterfly.”
-richard bach
my head
spins,
and stomache
churns,
trying to hold on to
old habits
of pain…
while my
spirit
waits
patiently for
me to know,
and to just
let go…
hot and sexy!…. greys’ was yummy tonight…so many kisses…and finally callie and hahn….
well, i’m back from new york – albeit reluctantly…i will be going back again…’don’t know when, but i will do it. ironically, everything i thought i would not like about the city – the noise, the crowds, the traffic – was what i loved about it….even the nightly piles of garbage put out by businesses for the overnight pick up didn’t faze me!
so where did i leave off last time…? well, we headed to broadway for another show, the musical murder mystery (yes, an odd combo) Curtains, with david hyde pierce (niles from “frasier”). it was quirky and funny, and dhp was fabulous.
i shopped a little (yes, only a little), walked a lot, and travelled the subway. i visited the famed Macy’s department Store (huge), and tried on dozens of gowns just for fun….we ate shrimp at a forrest gump themed restaurant in time square, and grabbed coffees from starbucks in front of the mighty new york stock exchange every lunch hour. it’s quite the imposing structure (the nyse, not starbucks – but i bet starbucks has the better coffee). we saw baby tigers from a boston zoo being unloaded in midtown (and can’t figure out what on earth they were doing there with nary a zoo in sight…), and ate way too much chocolate (our hotel was beside a godiva’s chocolate)…
i am tired though. we were there afterall for work and the days were long.
now i’m counting down the days until july and i head off to paris. i have a wander lust in my feet, and the cities are calling me….i’m also thinking that a year from now i’ll be moving again 
i’m absolutely ready to go….but, in the meantime, i will live in the present, the here and now, and that means getting some rest so i can go into work tomorrow and do my job….
oh ya, and pictures to come…
‘night.
i’ve been in an unwilling withdrawal…i lost my laptop power cord in my recent travels…i arrived home unable to go online!…yes, it has been tramautic….
so now, thankful to a friend, i’m back on-line…and i have so much to write…but it’ll have to wait until after grey’s anatomy is over….
ahh, what a lovely concept…but yet it avoids me…(although wth the freakily odd dreams i have, i’d just prefer the sleep part)
2 sleeping pills later (yes, i must dope myself to sleep most nights – an almost life long condition of sleeping difficulties), and i’m still wide awake…
i have to awake 6 hours and be ready for a long day doing work that, at this point, doesn’t particularily inspire me….but i will find a way to make it work….maybe take pretend notes while i do something else…
in the meantime, some nyc odds and ends…
organic drycleaning – hmm…i guess if it works…
a strange guy in a card shop asked for my cell number – no way buddy…
old buildings galore – stunning architectural detail in century old brickwork…
new york pizza for dinner – again yum!
well i’ll try to bed thing again…wish me luck…
thoughts from new york city…
i LOVE this city. it is noisy, crazy, and amazingly diverse. there is something here that calls to me (which surprises the hell out of me).
we arrived on saturday afternoon after a grueling red-eye from bc to a small, 4-star in midtown. after lunch, a nap,and a shower, it was off to do the touristy 2-hour double decker bus night tour (which i highly recommend for first time visitors). some highlights of the bus tour included:
the crusty, down to earth, third generation new york tour guide who shared his love for this city,
a trip over one of the bridges into brooklyn (the views across the river were classic nyc),
a yummy, salty new york street vendor pretzel (okay, i’m that easy to please…),
a trip through china town
the garish, brilliantly lit time square,
“ground zero”….accompanied by the tour guide’s personal story of the day…..which brought back my own clear memories of that morning, and the sadness i felt for many months afterward…
and many more quintissential new york sites….
sunday held a solitary walking afternoon for me. while my colleagues/friends were off doing their own things, i went for a walk down lexington avenue inhaling the flavour of this place. needless to say a few hours later my feet were in need of some pampering, so an pedicure was in order (is it ever not…?)…
last night was great. we went to see mama mia on broadway. i’d see it again….if you’re an abba fan (and i admit to being one) the musical is a must see…funny and entertaining…
today, the rain finally hit the city, but that doesn’t seem to slow anything down…the streets are packed with people, jostling for space on the sidewalk, while at the same time avoiding being stabbed in the eye with the multitude of umbrellas…
i’m back in my hotel room right now, drinking my starbucks (yes, civilization has arrived in the east …) and savouring (well, gobbling was more like it) a godiva chocolate brownie, awaiting my appointment for a massage (decadent yes! i may be easy, but am not cheap…)
i hear the incessant honking of horns out my window, and the intermittent sirens which seem to be ever constant backdrop to this city….
‘till next time,
okay…if anyone ever does read this and is able to help with sorting out how to /add/use tags and categories – help!
i’m up early doing laundry so i can get packed early for my trip before I go to work today. i don’t leave until tomorrow night, but I like to be ready early. i like to be organized (read compulsive)…
i have a new friend. she’s beautiful, and smart, and sweet (and just a friend – she’s straight)…and life continues…, i’m getting excited about an upcoming trip. i’m headng to new york city for my first time ever! i’m currently googling lesbian hotspots in manhattan…but it seems all the action is in brooklyn…
where do I begin again?…my move from blogger to this new site is not just a result of my desire for a new format…it’s a mark of a shifting in my life…so i begin again, but definitely not a the beginning! that’s too predictable. i’m going to start here – in the middle of a reinvention of my life…come along for the ride…
if, by chance you are interested in the trip up to this point, check out www.kokobrown.blogspot.com
