we interrupt regularly scheduled programming for this important information….

okay, so it’s not really important information….hell, it’s not even important, unless you like baby animals and you need a smile…check out  baby zoo animals  ya, i’m a sucka…

and….she’s back….

i did it. ‘am finally here. the move i have anticipated and planned for the past year has happened. twelve years later i have left rainy the north coast and am once again perched 9a, like a bird) in lightly less rainy south coast of bc. i’m a vancouver girl now!

the move is not quite complete, but hey, waddya expect when it started the way it did? hmmm, haven’t told you that story yet? well i’ll get to that soon enough….

but for now, i’m ensconsed in my new digs getting used to the traffic noise (no, not really – i’ll never get used to that….really!) wondering how in the hell i’m going to find places for all my crap in this little apartment.

so much to write, but my bed calls….mmm, this feels good – the blogging that is (what did you think i meant…?)

 

g’night for now

 

jo

culinary experiences…

mmmm…..yes, i did it. i ate a japadog.  i’d heard about these hotdogs a while ago, and came across one of their two downtown stands on my last trip to vancouver. i had the all beef dog with shredded cabbage and mashed potatoes (yes, it has a topping of mashed potatoes – a full meal deal). and the verdict? yummmmm!

the dormancy in winter allows the seed to fortify itself to be born in the coming spring…

days into weeks, and weeks into months….

the time is meaningless…it is what we do, or don’t, that matters….

i miss it here, these pages, the time i take to write and process, to acknowledge, to mourn, and to celebrate with words the existance i have.

i have been distracted of late with trivial things, and changes not so trivial, with letting go getting mixed up with holding on… and with finding love, an imperfect love that has become a warm coat… a love that begs to be explored, to be given the chance to develop, to grow and evolve, as those who share it do the same..and in that place of tentativeness, of awkward burgeoning, the baggage of old gets to be unpacked once more….this time removing even more un-needed items….

and i miss those who touch my life by reading my words and by sharing theirs….

the dormancy of winter is a necessary thing…. spring would not exist as it does otherwise….

i promise to not be away so long again….

j.

i can see the cherry blossoms….

i slept for a solid six hours last night! if you know me, you’d know how unbelievable that is for me. six hours of not waking up (at least that i can remember…), definitely of not waking to go to the washroom….i’m not sure why it happened, but i am so glad it did. six hours in such a deep sleep that i hadn’t even thrown off the covers….

i wonder if my coma -ike sleep was the cause of my morning mood….i showered, dressed, checked out of my hotel room, and hopped aboard a bus to take me on a ferry from victoria to vancouver. and the day was spectacular…the sun shining, a cool breeze wafting from the ocean…and i was…well…smiling…inside and out…

so here i sit now, in my home-away-from-home hotel…my room overlooking the art gallery in vancouver, thankful for the day, for the glorious morning, the great lunch with family, and the understanding that this time of transition is such a gift…

yes, more transition…the move to the new city on the horizon, the new job, the unfolding of a new relationship, the ever-present evaluating, and learning to just “be” in my life…

i’m taking it easy tonight, a saturday night in the city…choosing to not spend it with company…choosing instead to relax and snuggle in my bed… and yes, hpong for another night of  life-giving sleep….dormez bien mes amis…

smile for me…

the giddiness subsides…into its place moves a sense of calm, of comfort, of acceptance, of discovery, of belonging…

this place is odd, the oddness of the new, the uncharted….the being with someone unlike any i have ever known. but uniqueness alone wouldn’t be enough…i’ve met a blended soul…feminine and masculine, romantic and irreverent, playful and thoughtful, questing and knowing…

there is something quiet, insistent , and special building…

just bitching….

yanno that phrase  “if wishes were horses, i’d ride forever”…? that’s me these days.  i wish, i wish,  i wish…

but, the reality is that i have to deal with the fact that i’m in this town for another three months, doing work that i don’t love anymore (for a variety of reasons i won’t get into here…) wanting to be elsewhere, with other people, doing other things…getting on with my life dammit!

now, don’t get me wrong. there a few people here whose company i really enjoy but we will continue our friendships after i leave. we’ll be able to spend time together in the city. but that’s about it. there not much else here for me right now….just a house i don’t want, a job i don’t like (and yes a few people, i’d like to be farther away from…..)

but…i keep telling myseff that i’m here for a reason. besides the fact that i made this choice, there is something in this time for me to learn. well, i’m not so sure it’s patience. but, maybe months from now, i’ll look back and see what it is/was, and be thankful…maybe…..

the dance continues…

the music is slow, and sweet, and full of the light that radiates during the tentative beginnings of relationships, during the time when potential is vast, and possibilities endless. i want to breath slower, to force myself take my time with this… but i also want to jump in with my whole being…

we met…and were not out of each others’ presence for more than a moment or two for the following 48 hours… intense in a soft, easy way…

… this is special…

…..

a sad afternoon….

tears begin to fall. knowledge in pictures hurts sometimes. remembering losses…

when i  choose it, i enjoy my time alone…but when i don’t, the anxiousness creeps back and sinks its claws in to my shoulders…

i know what i want, those desires only acknowleged in the deep hours of the night, when we need to find our reasons for being… i want someone to hold me in the night when i am cold… to stand behind me and wrap arms around my waist, laughing softly in my ear….to play with me….to stop me when i try to hide….to laugh with me….to remind me of how spectacular i am when i doubt….to challenge me when i do not acknowledge my truth….to revel in the love i give…..to be my touchstone so i can explore the world….to see through, and into me….to live an extraordinary life with me….

ahhhh……

what is it about cupcakes? their delicacy…? sweet beauty in minature?..the icing to cake ratio…?  all of these i suppose….i just love looking at these pics so thought i’d share….